Brownie Points- The helping hand

I have been attending my university for two and a half years. In the first year I found out:

I am a retard.

I mean this in the most Ironical way possible.

Like a black person calling themselves a Nigger.

Dyslexia is my crime. However I don't see it like that. The English language is nonsensical. My way makes allot more sense than the 'correct' way and this is easily proven by the simple fact that the numbers of cases of Dyslexia in Britian is on the rise. Shh dont give me all that bull crap about just by simply being more aware of the problem, more people will be noticed having the problem. Why? Well... Because im stubborn.

ANY WAY back to my intial topic.

I get Proof reading as its often a trait with dyslexics not to notice typos or grammatical problems. I think its because of a few reasons:

• We have read it through so much we know what should be there, so our brillianly imaginative brains just correct it for us. This sounds odd I know but really I know I do this.
• We have very little understanding of grammar and spelling. The rules we find most difficult are rules that if we ask why the response would have been "It just is. Ok."
• Speaking and writing has very little in common. We write like we speak and I suppose thats why we are called imaginative.

The problem. Its very simple. Very few students actually manage this. You have to have the essay compleated before the Deadline. Then it can be Read Marked and Updated, but another trait of the Dyslexic is procrastination syndrome.

We are offically the best at procrastination. I can sit at a computer screen happily not doing anything for hours. My panic will start when I have to produce a 3000 word essay in less than eight hours. I have to trick myself into believing my deadlines are actually a week earlier.

EVEN then the essay is not compleated until morning it is due it therefore its very rare that I get my essay in for proof reading.

As usual my grade is sugnificantly lower than what it should be. This Dyslexic help thing is really not working is it? So using my wonderful creative mind I go to see the marker of this essay an ask the question: I HAVE BEEN ASKING FOR TWO YEARS:

"Is there any way of getting weekly help with learning grammar?"

I'm sent to the proof reading place and I ask again. The response is oh yes your Dyslexia Tutor can do that with you. We will arrange a meeting.

Why the hell did they not make me do this right when they found out I was dyslexic? I have sat there watching the changes being made with out being told Why, How and When for a while now. Thinking because I'm dyslexic I will never understand it any way, but no they could have just offered me the help that would have aloud me to LEARN and improve.

I'm not saying my work would be perfect. I would have just picked up on a few things that I missed at school and the proof reading deadline would not have been so important.

And also then there would be no reason to used my RETARDATION as an excuse for not knowing. We all learn ways around things right?

To degree or not degree

In my GCSE's I only began to bother working when I knew I wanted to do A-levels and my A-levels only happened when I decided to do a Degree.

Now I'm in my final year of a Creative Writing degree and I no fucking clue of whats next, what can I do? With this sense of misdirection I'm screwing around, my second essay of the year is late and I'm sitting in a computer room typing on this thing.

I want to defer a year, go work in the field see what people do next and why they do it. How they got there and work out is this the actual field I want to be in. However every time I try and tell some one this I am talked out of it. I tried to do it last year and I should have done it. I need some thing to work towards something telling me:

"Yes this is the area you want to be in and yes you are good enough to do it."

At the moment I just am coming across people that haven't made it, working in shops they are over educated in and bored shitless. I need someone to say to me:

"These are your options and I really think that you can get there all you need is...."

But I'm just told to go and talk to people I have never met before who don't actually know who I am and probably don't care. They have no idea of my ability or how I could apply myself to it. Me I just feel like I'm wasting time and money and to make myself feel better about it I shovel chips for a living.

Obama

Obama actually won!!!!!

Yes I really wasn't holding my breath, I thought that there would be vote fiddling or something.
I dunno, maybe some neo-natzi will shoot him.
Why do I feel as though its all too good to be true?
Its probably to do to with the anti-liberal Thatcher problem we had in the UK, Women marked her as their saviour and thought she would save us from their opression.

Instead she taxed tampons.